Boundaries… a word, so simple, yet so important, besides being useful and necessary in our lives.
Nowadays there is more and more discussion about boundaries at work. Is it so important to set our boundaries with partners or clients? The answer is a categorically yes, because boundaries provide us with healthy professional relationships and therefore a healthy work life.
Let’s take the things from the beginning. What are limits? According to Nedra Glover Tawwab “boundaries are needs and expectations that help us feel safe and comfortable in our relationships. Expectations in relationships help us maintain spiritual and mental health. Learning when to say no and when to say yes is also an essential part of feeling comfortable in interactions with others.” In other words, it is the structuring of the relationship, which we desire with other people, so that we are well.
Do we put limits on other people and especially on partners? Sometimes yes, sometimes not and sometimes about. By this, we mean that the limits are divided into three categories:
- Healthy boundaries, which create healthy relationships. However, it requires us to be aware of our emotional, mental and physical reserves.
- Perforated boundaries, which are weak and create an unhealthy intimacy with other people.
- Rigid boundaries, which create distance from other people, as they are equivalent to an inaccessible wall height.
The limits we set or don’t set depend on the case. For instance, we may set healthy boundaries with our coworkers, but our boundaries with our superiors may be perforated. Why is this happening? On the one hand, because it is not a pleasant process at all and on the other hand, because fear prevails. The fear that we will become the bad guys of the work group, we will not be liked, we will become rude, we will not satisfy the needs of our colleagues, we will experience rejection, we may become powerless or have negative implications of our delimitation. These reasons lead us to not set or set perforated boundaries to others. However, are our fears realistic?
The truth is, we have grown up in a country where boundaries are non-existent in our vocabulary, let alone in our professional lives. We have not learned, neither to set, nor to respect other people’s boundaries. And, unfortunately, this starts in the family, continues in the school, then in the friendly environment, then in the corporate environment and generally in the whole society. For this reason, anyone who tries to set a limit on a colleague or superior is asked to face and manage various unpleasant behaviors, such as:
- repulsion
- ignoring
- the doubt of others
- the defensive attitude
- punishment through silence
- the termination of the communication/contact
- but also the test of his/her limits
In very few cases, boundaries are accepted and respected, as they should be.
The fact that demarcation is a difficult procedure does not diminish its importance, value and necessity in a work environment. But, how can we achieve this? There are several ways to set our boundaries with partners, such as:
- Clear and accurate communication. We need to communicate directly and verbally with other people what we want and what we don’t want. We can’t assume that other people will understand on their own what bothers us and what doesn’t, even if we show it non-verbally.
- Managing our expectations. To be aware of what we ask of our partners and what they can respond to, as they are above all our partners and not our friends, nor our family.
- To create and adhere to a work schedule, organizing both our responsibilities and our time, so that we are not pressured to complete them.
- To not be afraid to say no to tasks that we cannot undertake or to ask for support from our colleagues for their implementation.
- To understand that the work starts at the beginning of our schedule and is completed at the end of it. After that there is our personal life, which includes, whatever we desire.
- To take advantage of our vacations and days off, which are necessary, on the one hand for our rest and on the other hand for creating a balance between personal and professional life.
If we manage to set our limits at work, then we will succeed in having:
- better management of our working time
- high energy levels
- work satisfaction
- balance between our personal and work life
- not to lead to professional burnout
- to have healthy working relationships
Otherwise, if we fail to set our boundaries or if they are perforated, then we create unhealthy professional relationships and as a result the feeling of anger dominates.
In short, trying to set our professional limits on people, who have not learned to respect the limits of others or do not wish to respect them, because it is not convenient or in their interest is not an easy task. But this should not be a deterrent or discouragement for us to set our boundaries in the workplace. On the contrary, we need to understand that demarcation is a perpetual process, which requires very good communication, actions, persistence and determination on our part. We need to be steady in them, to honor and respect them first of all and above all ourselves, if we want others to honor and respect them as well.
Unfortunately, no one can guarantee us the successful outcome of our endeavor. However, it is necessary to claim on a daily basis our limits in relation to our partners, on the one hand to be good with our conscience, that we have tried our best and on the other hand, because we need to pursue to have healthy professional relationships, which lead to a healthy working life and consequently a healthy life.
As utopian as it sounds, it can become a reality. It depends on us!
This article contains copyright. Reproduction of all or part of this article may be done with the consent of the author or with reference to the website www.marialykousi.gr. The first publication was made at www.psychology.gr on 11/14/2022.